News From Down Under

Have you ever noticed that if you take a famous quote, or a line from a film and substitute the word “pants” it makes the quote or line infinitely more humorous? For example:

Lord of the Rings:
Come on laddy, bring your pretty face to my pants. - Gimli

This has given rise to the belief that there are no dwarf women, and that we
just spring out of holes in the pants. - Gimli

I know what it is you saw, for it is also in my pants. — Galadriel

It is mine to give to whom I wish, like my pants. — Arwen

The dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the pants. — Haldir

It comes in pants? I’m getting one! — Pippin

Give me your pants, horsemaster, and I shall give you mine. — Gimli
I would cut off your head, dwarf, if it stood but higher from your pants. — Eomer
You would die before your pants fell! — Legolas

We ain’t had nothing to eat but maggoty pants for three stinking days! — Uruk-Hai leader

The women of this country learned long ago, those without pants can still die upon them. — Eowyn

What’s this, a ranger caught off his pants? — Arwen

What is that sound? — Frodo
They are singing a lament for Gandalf. — Legolas
What do they say? — Sam
I have not the pants to tell you. — Legolas

A chance for Faramir, captain of Gondor to show his pants. — Faramir

Not idly do the pants of Lorien fall. — Aragorn

A red sun rises, pants have been spilled this night. — Legolas

The pants shall go to Gondor. — Faramir

No more well-wishers, guests or relations. — Bilbo
What about very old pants? — Gandalf

There may come a day when the pants of men fail, but it is not this day. — Aragorn

How do we know Frodo is still alive? — Gandalf
What do your pants tell you? — Aragorn

Why do you lay your pants on an already troubled mind? — Grima Wormtongue

I cannot allow you before Theoden King so armed, Gandalf Greyhame. — Hama
Surely you would not deprive an old man of his pants! — Gandalf

Give it to us raw and wriggling, keep nasty pants. — Gollum


And I just thought of this, from Spider-Man

“With great pants comes great responsibility.” - Peter Parker

And from Pirates:
“Yes, but why are the pants gone?” - Captain Jack Sparrow

“What did he use for rope?” — Will Turner
“Human hair. From my pants.” — Captain Jack Sparrow

Hmm.